every day I'm learning

[sciatrix]

....today, the learning experience is that coordinating the shipping of twenty-odd singing mice from New York to Texas is a mind-bogglingly complex endeavor, and I am just barely coming out on top of the bureaucracy. But! But! There will be mice I can use for this experiment, ideally by my committee meeting and at least so that I can do a kickass talk for Evolution this year. I'm applying for the SSE Grad Council this year, although the deadline is today--gotta make sure I set some time aside today to do that in amid the flurry of emails.

Also, I'm very carefully dipping my toes into The Body Keeps the Score and gritting my teeth the entire way--more because conceptualizing my life as traumatic in any way feels bad and wrong and self-indulgent and terrifying than because I think that the book itself is problematic. (I'm listening to the text-to-speak function on my phone, which is comforting and a little less scary than reading it for reasons I have no idea how to articulate.)

I'm low on Diamine Meadow right now (review) in my TWSBI stub pen, and I'm really sad about it. I think I need to commit and buy myself a proper bottle of it--this is just the tail end of the 2mL sample I got for my birthday last year.

Comments

[kaberett]

TBKtS: I have opinions on bits of the book that, in fact, ~problematic~, but honestly they're more to do with BvdK's lack of self-awareness than anything else.

Audio books: maybe more of a There Is Another Person Here And You're Not Alone support-in-self-regulating than you'd get by Reading Words On A Page? hindbrains are a thing, and also stupid.

also, good luck to getting over here, where I am still periodically incandescently furious about my trauma sources but at least am not still clinging to "but if I don't admit they were that bad then, magically, they will have Not Been That Bad and in consequence I Can Fix All This because It's A Moral Failing On My Part so I Just Have To Be Better"...

[sciatrix]

Yeah, I keep ricocheting between This Is Not Trauma This Is Just Background Radiation and, er, being seized by the desire to list all of the things that I've put up with in the last ten years and ask for validation that yes, That Really Counts.

Ugh this is very hard. Bah. BAH.

[kaberett]

<3

It counts because of the effect on you, and also, I'm really very confident that Whatever It Was would meet any reasonable bar for A Trauma.

[sebenikela]

SAME HAT

when I read van der Kolk it was totally just RESEARCH for a CHARACTER i was writing fic about and definitely not about ME, okay, I am obviously perfectly fine it's just that sometimes this is hilariously #relatable for reasons that can't possibly have to do with actual TRAUMA, okay, that would be silly...

etc.

...good luck?