wary but listening

[sciatrix]

so I'm commenting on the aromantic community again.

It's not...

I have such complicated feelings about it! It feels like the people who are continuing the conversations I had ten years ago are also erasing me and the context of those conversations, and I admit I get so bitter at the way that I only ever seem to hear from aromantic community and spaces when they're expressing derision at people who associate them with asexual communities, like there was some kind of cadre of aromantic allosexuals who came up with the whole thing.

And then the older I get and the less I'm convinced romantic orientation is a useful metric for talking about the way that people navigate the world of attachment, because I think the thing people are often talking about is more about limerence and less about the way you find people to grow together with and make families, but limerence is only really relevant when you're starting something new and not so much when you're moving together along a path.

And I worry about the endless hyperfocus on beginnings and not on journeys. Because I think that's what connection with people is, and at the end of the day, I think that the best things that aromantic community discussion has to bring to the table is to really emphasize the concept of chosen journeys that we take with other people.

Comments

[writerkit]

And that middle paragraph is such a relief to come across today after coming across the acquaintance on Facebook ranting about how alloromantic ace people (well, they called them "straight ace people") aren't *really* queer and they're not *really* oppressed and I have been resisting going and yelling because I know it won't do any good. So thank you.

[sylvaine]

I don't know if this helps you, but every time I come across that particular bit of nonsense I take a deep breath and remember the time an anon on tumblr said that "cishet trans" people don't belong at Pride, because that always makes me laugh.

[sciatrix]

oh my god anon you fool

[sylvaine]

I remember that as the exact moment when I realised that "cishet" had lost all meaning, at least in the context of tumblr Discourse^TM

[writerkit]

That makes me laugh too. That right there is a Thing, that is.

[sciatrix]

*whistles* Yeah, those folks can fuck right the hell off. And that's usually the context in which I pick up all my gay-passing glory and lean into what I can own of a romantic orientation and boom down: yeah, fuck you! This is hard! You exclude them, you exclude me, and I promise you the straight people can't tell us apart!

I'm glad it was a balm, anyway. Those people piss me the fuck off.