wary but listening
Mar. 5th, 2019 12:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sciatrixso I'm commenting on the aromantic community again.
It's not...
I have such complicated feelings about it! It feels like the people who are continuing the conversations I had ten years ago are also erasing me and the context of those conversations, and I admit I get so bitter at the way that I only ever seem to hear from aromantic community and spaces when they're expressing derision at people who associate them with asexual communities, like there was some kind of cadre of aromantic allosexuals who came up with the whole thing.
And then the older I get and the less I'm convinced romantic orientation is a useful metric for talking about the way that people navigate the world of attachment, because I think the thing people are often talking about is more about limerence and less about the way you find people to grow together with and make families, but limerence is only really relevant when you're starting something new and not so much when you're moving together along a path.
And I worry about the endless hyperfocus on beginnings and not on journeys. Because I think that's what connection with people is, and at the end of the day, I think that the best things that aromantic community discussion has to bring to the table is to really emphasize the concept of chosen journeys that we take with other people.
It's not...
I have such complicated feelings about it! It feels like the people who are continuing the conversations I had ten years ago are also erasing me and the context of those conversations, and I admit I get so bitter at the way that I only ever seem to hear from aromantic community and spaces when they're expressing derision at people who associate them with asexual communities, like there was some kind of cadre of aromantic allosexuals who came up with the whole thing.
And then the older I get and the less I'm convinced romantic orientation is a useful metric for talking about the way that people navigate the world of attachment, because I think the thing people are often talking about is more about limerence and less about the way you find people to grow together with and make families, but limerence is only really relevant when you're starting something new and not so much when you're moving together along a path.
And I worry about the endless hyperfocus on beginnings and not on journeys. Because I think that's what connection with people is, and at the end of the day, I think that the best things that aromantic community discussion has to bring to the table is to really emphasize the concept of chosen journeys that we take with other people.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-05 10:13 pm (UTC)someone who knows things about linguistics would be able to say it better but like...words mean things because we collectively decided they're useful shorthand for complicated experiences? they're useful for creating narratives about stuff, and humans like making narratives to tell ourselves about why things are how they are, but the specific words are not the most important part!
I'm not putting a fucking bouncer at the door of a community that I want to be all about welcoming and support and building things together at barn raisings, you feel me?
YES EXACTLY. Are you being a jerk? then you should leave. otherwise? come in, hang out, bring snacks.
humans idek
no subject
Date: 2019-03-06 12:11 am (UTC)YEP. I mean, I'm a language teacher, I care about specific terms, but that's also how I know that CONTEXT IS EVERYTHING.