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sciatrixThe anxiety weasels have returned, but I should manage a linkspam this week. It has not been a great mental health week for me, but I think I have identified the issues with my sound chambers for now (need more base-line microphone amps, peering at the chambers I )
Made the mistake of accidentally kicking off my own exclusionist trauma issues on a Metafilter post, and will be taking a break from there (have locked myself out of my account for the rest of the week). I am reminded why I tend to view lesbians with guarded suspicion until they demonstrate that they don't hold with the TERFy and SWERFy corners of queerpolitik, and regret bringing up both that particular article and tensions in queer-female-and-adjacent communities more generally.
No, seriously, the word lesbophobia is a dog whistle, and doubling down on it when I go "are you--are you intending to communicate this?" and insisting I'm speaking in bad faith is, ah. Fun.
Also today, I had a horrifically-ill student attempt to isolate his own DNA with a cheek rinse and fill it with so much phlegm that I couldn't figure out what the hell he was doing wrong when he showed me his sample. I did not, however, find this out before that student helpfully tried to dip a micropipette with no fucking tip into his cup of filthy sick spit-water and draw up a milliliter of fluid, and then get confused when the tip didn't fit on the micropipette afterwards. I think I got it dried out enough not to bleed everywhere, but I'm not sure. I definitely went back and splashed ethanol all over that sucker after he left.
I can only hope he had the same nasty bug I did a few weeks ago, so maybe I can fight it off before he infects everyone else.
Made the mistake of accidentally kicking off my own exclusionist trauma issues on a Metafilter post, and will be taking a break from there (have locked myself out of my account for the rest of the week). I am reminded why I tend to view lesbians with guarded suspicion until they demonstrate that they don't hold with the TERFy and SWERFy corners of queerpolitik, and regret bringing up both that particular article and tensions in queer-female-and-adjacent communities more generally.
No, seriously, the word lesbophobia is a dog whistle, and doubling down on it when I go "are you--are you intending to communicate this?" and insisting I'm speaking in bad faith is, ah. Fun.
Also today, I had a horrifically-ill student attempt to isolate his own DNA with a cheek rinse and fill it with so much phlegm that I couldn't figure out what the hell he was doing wrong when he showed me his sample. I did not, however, find this out before that student helpfully tried to dip a micropipette with no fucking tip into his cup of filthy sick spit-water and draw up a milliliter of fluid, and then get confused when the tip didn't fit on the micropipette afterwards. I think I got it dried out enough not to bleed everywhere, but I'm not sure. I definitely went back and splashed ethanol all over that sucker after he left.
I can only hope he had the same nasty bug I did a few weeks ago, so maybe I can fight it off before he infects everyone else.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-20 07:42 pm (UTC)Of course my interest in sex is effectively nil and I don't seem to have the starting crush thing on people, so it's all fucking complicated, and I'm shielded from a few of the complaints that the-sort-of-lesbian-who-likes-to-cry-lesbophobia have--I'm not trying to negotiate dating with people who ghost me, for one thing.
...Not exactly, anyway, and not anymore.
But I don't see why you can't hold the loneliness of having people repeatedly say that yeah, they're interested in what you want, they're interested in you, but also constantly peel away from the actual challenge of staying with you... alongside the essential loneliness of never being able to trust that groups that say they welcome people like you, that say they want you there, will follow through; the loneliness of never being seen as your true self no matter how loudly you scream it.
I mean. I'm butch. I collapse my nonbinary partner into "my wife" when it's easier on us both to just slide under the assumption. I pass as lesbian. I deal with the awkward wariness from certain kinds of straight women (or, at least, women who claim a straight public identity) just as much as anyone else. And I get to put up with both kinds of pain and trauma and isolation, so I admit I kind of... break my brain in frustration that other people can't see that they both are forms of pain and isolation and can't handle that shit without letting it bleed out and retraumatize someone else.
Which is literally what I see happening from these women; it's trauma weaponized to hurt other people. And I don't know how to get that across without getting run out of town, and I'm tired and insecure and hurting and probably being condescending, the amount of times I've repeated myself in that conversation, so I'm taking myself out of it before I can hurt anyone else.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-24 01:17 pm (UTC)