Thank you for this comment, by the way. It's hard for me to... let's say give up, when it feels like someone is explicitly trying to reach for inclusivity but implicitly refusing to meet me in the middle, for a whole bunch of reasons. Having someone external look at the situation and back me up is really grounding, especially when I'm floundering and not trusting my own perceptions.
I feel like that discussion is a really great example of the reasons that many non-lesbian wlw tend to pause and consider lesbians with mistrust, which tends to be self reinforcing and encourage more exclusionary ideas to solidify within lesbian culture. I have absolutely no idea what to do about it, and there are way too many people in that discussion who don't have the lived experience to pick up the dog whistles on that conversation to figure out what is happening and why.
I'm pulling myself out of the site right now because part of me feels like I don't have the right to be shaky and hyperfocused on the dynamic and unable to emotionally regulate if I'm not doing anything to fix this specific thing, or if I'm not advocating to be heard despite the grim experience that says it's not likely to happen here.
The cracks at the split attraction model and the characterization of that model as toxic are really making me feel unsafe, because they are signaling: ah. I'm right. You really don't respect me except insofar as I pretend to be lesbian enough for you. And if I try to talk about my actual perspectives and opinions, you will tell me I'm really not welcome, that I'm a traitor or something.
But this is mostly manifesting as biphobia, and I don't have quite the right rhetorical background to come in swinging on that front, and my "hey I'm not straight passing" tactic isn't working either... and at the end of the day, it's going to be toxic and holding an open discussion about it is not going to change anything to make the space better.
I just.
Ahaha, it's really hard giving myself room to be as upset as I am without throwing myself back on the middle of the whole thing over and over and over again.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-04-13 02:35 pm (UTC)Thank you for this comment, by the way. It's hard for me to... let's say give up, when it feels like someone is explicitly trying to reach for inclusivity but implicitly refusing to meet me in the middle, for a whole bunch of reasons. Having someone external look at the situation and back me up is really grounding, especially when I'm floundering and not trusting my own perceptions.
I feel like that discussion is a really great example of the reasons that many non-lesbian wlw tend to pause and consider lesbians with mistrust, which tends to be self reinforcing and encourage more exclusionary ideas to solidify within lesbian culture. I have absolutely no idea what to do about it, and there are way too many people in that discussion who don't have the lived experience to pick up the dog whistles on that conversation to figure out what is happening and why.
I'm pulling myself out of the site right now because part of me feels like I don't have the right to be shaky and hyperfocused on the dynamic and unable to emotionally regulate if I'm not doing anything to fix this specific thing, or if I'm not advocating to be heard despite the grim experience that says it's not likely to happen here.
The cracks at the split attraction model and the characterization of that model as toxic are really making me feel unsafe, because they are signaling: ah. I'm right. You really don't respect me except insofar as I pretend to be lesbian enough for you. And if I try to talk about my actual perspectives and opinions, you will tell me I'm really not welcome, that I'm a traitor or something.
But this is mostly manifesting as biphobia, and I don't have quite the right rhetorical background to come in swinging on that front, and my "hey I'm not straight passing" tactic isn't working either... and at the end of the day, it's going to be toxic and holding an open discussion about it is not going to change anything to make the space better.
I just.
Ahaha, it's really hard giving myself room to be as upset as I am without throwing myself back on the middle of the whole thing over and over and over again.