My general feeling with respect to student pronouns--the case in which I do the most thinking about these kinds of things--is that I would rather ask "What pronouns do you want to use in this space?" When I've had a nonbinary student, which I knew because they followed me on Twitter after they graduated from the class I was teaching but before they started working for me in my lab, I eventually casually asked: "What pronouns do you want me to use here in the lab, and what pronouns do you want me to use in the letter of recommendation I am drafting?"
Like... almost everyone I know who prefers nonbinary pronouns code-switches to some extent in personal vs. professional vs. family of origin life, and sometimes dealing with other people making a big deal of shit is not something people want out of a given space. Sometimes it's preferable to be seen rather to be able to move quickly through social interactions, too! Cis people do not seem to realize that pronoun preferences can be context-dependent or that educating or highlighting visible minority status can be fuckin' exhausting, but I have known people who are like "these are my public pronouns and these are the ones when I use at home when I am comfortable."
Also, I find it profoundly irritating and uncomfortable when people doing that kind of performatively woke thing wheel and stare hopefully at me when we are passing pronouns out. I'm visibly GNC/butch but genuinely prefer she/her, thank you very much--and I fucking hate dealing with straight cis people's hopeful expectations that I'll prefer something more exotic. So that's all influencing the way I try to handle the issue: asking "what do you want me to use for this social context?" lets me leave the question at the door without placing an expectation of anything more personal than anyone else has to divulge in the space. I want to not impose expectations on trans folks, and that includes the imposition of being picked out of the crowd and asked explicitly to Represent.
(If I'm hanging out in queer spaces, I just guess based on context cues if it's relevant and then roll with any corrections, which seems to be the standard of etiquette in my circles.)
Opinions outside of spaces I control/am acting as an authority are... mmm, huh, that is also context specific. I don't want to take on more of the weight of being Weird in that respect professionally, and that feeling is making me feel thoughtful and uncomfortable about the idea of keeping my pronouns in my email signature. On the other hand, I have them in my twitter profile and my MeFi profile and most other places on the internet where someone might check me out. I think my twitter and MeFi profiles are in something of a liminal space, where I am partly Erin and partly Sci, and generally I casually drop pronouns without batting an eye to anyone who knows me as sciatrix and quietly talk around queer shit with people who only know me as Erin.
god this stuff is complicated! What are your thoughts and feelings?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-03-13 07:19 pm (UTC)My general feeling with respect to student pronouns--the case in which I do the most thinking about these kinds of things--is that I would rather ask "What pronouns do you want to use in this space?" When I've had a nonbinary student, which I knew because they followed me on Twitter after they graduated from the class I was teaching but before they started working for me in my lab, I eventually casually asked: "What pronouns do you want me to use here in the lab, and what pronouns do you want me to use in the letter of recommendation I am drafting?"
Like... almost everyone I know who prefers nonbinary pronouns code-switches to some extent in personal vs. professional vs. family of origin life, and sometimes dealing with other people making a big deal of shit is not something people want out of a given space. Sometimes it's preferable to be seen rather to be able to move quickly through social interactions, too! Cis people do not seem to realize that pronoun preferences can be context-dependent or that educating or highlighting visible minority status can be fuckin' exhausting, but I have known people who are like "these are my public pronouns and these are the ones when I use at home when I am comfortable."
Also, I find it profoundly irritating and uncomfortable when people doing that kind of performatively woke thing wheel and stare hopefully at me when we are passing pronouns out. I'm visibly GNC/butch but genuinely prefer she/her, thank you very much--and I fucking hate dealing with straight cis people's hopeful expectations that I'll prefer something more exotic. So that's all influencing the way I try to handle the issue: asking "what do you want me to use for this social context?" lets me leave the question at the door without placing an expectation of anything more personal than anyone else has to divulge in the space. I want to not impose expectations on trans folks, and that includes the imposition of being picked out of the crowd and asked explicitly to Represent.
(If I'm hanging out in queer spaces, I just guess based on context cues if it's relevant and then roll with any corrections, which seems to be the standard of etiquette in my circles.)
Opinions outside of spaces I control/am acting as an authority are... mmm, huh, that is also context specific. I don't want to take on more of the weight of being Weird in that respect professionally, and that feeling is making me feel thoughtful and uncomfortable about the idea of keeping my pronouns in my email signature. On the other hand, I have them in my twitter profile and my MeFi profile and most other places on the internet where someone might check me out. I think my twitter and MeFi profiles are in something of a liminal space, where I am partly Erin and partly Sci, and generally I casually drop pronouns without batting an eye to anyone who knows me as sciatrix and quietly talk around queer shit with people who only know me as Erin.
god this stuff is complicated! What are your thoughts and feelings?