I mean, this is a non-zero part of why I sort of faded back from the f/f ship I was writing in very actively (for... me) and started avoiding almost all of the content/discussion, because most of it got very much like "yes they are lesbians" (using that word very specifically) and often sort of... softly and without a lot of focus on the characters themselves or the complicated parts of them I liked.
The thing is, I do understand the trauma that people there are talking about! I just don't understand why there's a certain class of person who can't acknowledge trauma that's orthogonal to theirs, or even understand (and own) that saying "this traumatic response caused this other trauma and if we're ever going to stop it we need to listen" is important. I think that's the thing I always wind up breaking my heart over, and I need to just stop it and start losing my temper, or at least not blame myself for that being the choice some people make.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-02-20 07:15 pm (UTC)The thing is, I do understand the trauma that people there are talking about! I just don't understand why there's a certain class of person who can't acknowledge trauma that's orthogonal to theirs, or even understand (and own) that saying "this traumatic response caused this other trauma and if we're ever going to stop it we need to listen" is important. I think that's the thing I always wind up breaking my heart over, and I need to just stop it and start losing my temper, or at least not blame myself for that being the choice some people make.