At some point I'm going to write up my theory of detoxing to explain the phenomenon I often observe where people who have been prevented from expressing a part of how they feel about something run into other people who agree and immediately overcorrect enthusiastically in the opposite direction entirely.
Oh, I have no doubt that accounts for a lot of what I've seen. And it often shades into an almost spiteful "fuck you" defiance. Which I totally understand because I've felt that impulse myself for various aspects of my identity, but it's not great when I'm on the receiving end because they've assumed I'm straight. Doubly not great when it's a rich, cis gay white man who acts like he has the absolute last word on oppression because he's gay. >_>
Anyway, like--I tuck a lot of myself away until I can be sure it's safe, and I wonder if that isn't part of it.
Same. But also, I've increasingly found that I'm more likely to be friends with someone based on personality, thought patterns, conversational styles, intelligence level, etc. rather than a demographic identity or a shared interest. I can't force a connection with a boring or incompatible person just because they're queer (or Asian, or a nerd, or...)
On top of that, rather than feeling free to be myself, sometimes I feel like there's this pressure in Queer-With-A-Capital-Q spaces to perform a certain level of queerness that's more than what I want to do or that would be authentic for myself. Which just compounds the sense of being an impostor.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2018-12-07 09:51 pm (UTC)Oh, I have no doubt that accounts for a lot of what I've seen. And it often shades into an almost spiteful "fuck you" defiance. Which I totally understand because I've felt that impulse myself for various aspects of my identity, but it's not great when I'm on the receiving end because they've assumed I'm straight. Doubly not great when it's a rich, cis gay white man who acts like he has the absolute last word on oppression because he's gay. >_>
Anyway, like--I tuck a lot of myself away until I can be sure it's safe, and I wonder if that isn't part of it.
Same. But also, I've increasingly found that I'm more likely to be friends with someone based on personality, thought patterns, conversational styles, intelligence level, etc. rather than a demographic identity or a shared interest. I can't force a connection with a boring or incompatible person just because they're queer (or Asian, or a nerd, or...)
On top of that, rather than feeling free to be myself, sometimes I feel like there's this pressure in Queer-With-A-Capital-Q spaces to perform a certain level of queerness that's more than what I want to do or that would be authentic for myself. Which just compounds the sense of being an impostor.