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2019-09-27 06:53 pm
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a few poems I was introduced to the other day

A few poems I was introduced to the other day.

What the Living Do, Marie Howe

You Are Jeff, Richard Siken

Wandering Around an Alberquerque Airport Terminal, Naomi Shihab Nye

This'll do until I can get round to updating my poetry book. Do other people do that? I have an epub I've made myself (and I can tell you, I'm proud of the formatting), filled with the poetry I like best.

self-indulgently, it has a rather idiosyncratic organizational system, which I have reproduced below )

Feel free to bring up other poems you like in the comments, if you feel moved, or ask for others. I'm in a mood.
sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
2019-05-22 03:54 pm
Entry tags:

got no roots, but--my home's not on the ground

A friend of mine asked for good retellings of fairy stories for a D&D campaign she's working on this week, and I dove headlong with great glee into T. Kingfisher's short stories. (Well, and her novels, but the short stories are easier to link, and I like people to buy her books if they get a taste from the stories.) Which got me thinking about witches in stories, both hers and Terry Pratchett's which are clearly influenced. My character in the campaign I'm in with my friend is an older woman in service to Death, and she's a little sillier than the archetype of those witches, but not so far unlike them.

Except that she doesn't have a settled, single place she lives. I wrote her as a traveler, someone who gets itchy if she's still too long, partly to explain why she was happy living on the road with an adventuring party, and partly...

...well. Partly because I don't get to set down roots. I've lived in Austin seven years, and I lived in northern Virginia for eight, and aside from that I've never been in a city for more than three or four at a stretch. And I'm set to be moving again in a year or two, because that's how this job goes. My dad was a military brat, and his feet got itchy, I think; but more than that, in the world I live in and the world I grew up in in North America, you move to go where the jobs are. I remember starting a in high school history course and my teacher asked how many of us were born in Georgia, and perhaps two people in a twenty-odd person class raised their hands. (I'd lived in Georgia two years then.)

I think some of the magical realism from those characterizations of witches and witchcraft comes from being part of the earth of a specific place, of being born somewhere and knowing it in your bones and so forth, and drawing the kind of power that comes from knowing many people for a very, very long time, being a known quantity in your community. But, well. Migration patterns across hundreds of miles have been common in many families for a long time in North America. Immigrant narratives are a huge part of our national mythos--if I recall rightly, about half of white Americans descend from immigrants who arrived after 1850--and even if you only look at patterns of movement within North America, well, my ancestors are Irish Catholics; if you look at Irish-American history, there's an awful lot of movement across the northern borders, and there's an awful lot of moving around the continent to move to... well... where the jobs are. Military jobs, construction jobs, labor jobs. If you broaden your sights from white people history, you see things like the Great Migration out of the South for African-American families towards the West and North. Of course you do see the centuries-old pattern of migration from rural centers to the cities, or (again in America) the westward migration of Anglo settlers, and those have worked their ways into stories. But migration patterns from areas of similar population density? Don't see that, much.

I don't know; I'm just thinking about roots and where people come from. And it strikes me that I don't see much in the way of that archetype of older women in any other context. (I mean, they're not precisely thick on the ground. But.)

I think the only place I've seen those migratory patterns commented on within fantasy is Neil Gaiman's American Gods, and then only in passing. Funny, that.
sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
2019-02-01 11:21 am
Entry tags:

introduction, mk 5

Okay, I'm going to try something new here as I'm drafting this manuscript. I'm going to try sitting down, working out what I want to say, and writing it out for y'all on the internet to read. Can't hurt, might help.

( Sexually selected traits like peacock's tails, hooded monk seals' ridiculous nose balloons, and the haunting thrum of the midshipman fish have been an object of fascination for biologists since Darwin sat down upon a tangled bank: they are flashy, loud, intricate, elaborately detailed and painstakingly controlled. )

Just for funsies, here's a hooded seal with full nose balloon engaged.

A hooded seal inflates its nasal sac to make a loud bellowing sound.
sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
2019-01-12 04:32 pm
Entry tags:

uuuuughhhh

I am in the process of porting a very long piece I wrote about James Damore's bad science for Medium to a new DW-for-my-pro-science-writing that I can link people to a little more comfortably, because I am straight up more comfortable on DW than on Medium.

But also, it is suuuuper long and the HTML is suuuuuper boring and I made one mistake I need to fix to feel good about myself and uuuuugh I'll feel better when I'm done but

aaaauuuuuuuuuugh
sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
2018-06-11 09:03 pm

in which I am greedy

I am tired of soft lesbians. I would not mind them, but they are everything I can find.

Give me hard lesbians: women who have suffered, and women who have caused suffering. Give me survivors. Give me women who know what it is to live in a world that is unforgiving and know how to make love in that world anyway.

Give me broken lesbians: women with scars mental and physical, who are stretching their cut tissue into something functional. Give me women who know what being broken looks like and who know how to put themselves back together again. Give me women who don’t know they are broken and who are trying to fix themselves anyway. Give me women who make bad decisions because they are in pain or never learned how to do better.

Give me experienced lesbians: women who have had sex before and like it (or don’t), women who know what they like and what they don’t, and women who negotiate different opinons on what is good. Give me women who know that they have sensitive nipples (or not) and who prefer stimulation (or not) of different types; give me women with strong opinions about strap-ons, and penetration, and vibration. Give me women who have sex, because that ain’t just something that men do.

Give me conflicting lesbians: give me women whose relationships are imperfect, and messy, and complicated. Give me women who fight about silly things or looming, massive things. Give me women whose relationship is tense sometimes. Give me women who are unhealthy, women who need to break up, and women who have already mentally checked out and are looking for the next place to land.

Give me inexperienced lesbians: give me women who make obvious errors in interpersonal relationships. Give me women who don’t know what they want or how to become acquainted with their bodies. Give me women who don’t know how to be supportive of others, and give me women who don’t know how to care. Give me women who are greedy.

Give me f/f with one lesbian or even no lesbians at all: f/f with bisexual characters, or pansexual characters, or asexual characters. Give me f/f with people who have a variety of experiences, backgrounds, and tastes. Give me f/f with women whose tastes do not match up completely, women who negotiate different orientations or different preferences, and show me how they reach a comfortable medium.

Give me all of these things, because I need them and I want them.

I am tired unto death of soft lesbians. There are only so many iterations on specific well-trod f/f themes that I want to engage in, and soft dollies that sit next to each other and gaze emptily and softly into each other’s eyes is not enough. I want women with personality, with flaws and strengths and sparking character. I want women who step off the page or out of the screen and impress their realness onto my mind. I am greedy for them; I will consume them and roll their lifelike words into my skin.

Why is that so hard to find?
sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
2017-12-27 11:41 pm
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(no subject)

…because I’m still reading through a bunch of tabs my on my laptop, and I figured other folks might like the links.
 
Where’s my lesbian porn guide? by [personal profile] amaresu, who always has some of the best meta on DW, asking where the resources and tools for writing this are five years ago. Responses are interesting, and include one link to longstanding LJ comm [livejournal.com profile] lez_sex_tips, which isn’t exactly fandom oriented but does apparently have a whole lot of women talking frankly about f/f sex and how to make it good.
 
Someone attempted to put the guide together but apparently got distracted after the first entry. Shame, but the discussion’s good. Requested topics:
 
mechanics of particular acts, along the lines of “one finger, two fingers, three fingers, dick!” for anal sex, as well as “oh god that will hurt if she does that”
notes about nail trimming came up for fingering; it was pointed out that femme folks with long pointy manicures can and do engage in fingering and even fisting without cutting anyone’s vag to shreds via the magic of nitrile gloves and cotton balls; whether this is in character for any particular person you’re writing at any given time, eh. ehhh.
descriptions of variety and how to handle that for different characters
multiple orgasms: how does that feel?
what the fuck is a g spot and does it even exist? what is the feeling like?
what words can you use without being either too clinical or too, idk, explicit? people seem to get pretty vague; is this a bug or a feature?
strap-ons: how do they work, how do you negotiate the feeling of using one?
how realistic do you have to be, anyway?
 
More discussions on words to be used in smut. Unsurprisingly, this is a topic for femslash writers. (mons, man. Mons is a good word. Gotta remember that.)
 
Elsewhere, some anon threads:
 
What words do you use? I remain horrified at the concept of describing anyone’s “creamy core” mid sex scene, but there’s a lot of good discussion here. Personal takeaways: mons is a nice word, pudenda sounds great unless you, like me, speak enough Latin to know it literally means “the thing she’s ashamed of” or “the thing she should be ashamed of”, quim is just fuckin’ confusing, and I too kind of dislike “vagina” as a word for anything on the outside bits.
 
Why can’t a lot of femslash writers write good/hot/sexy porn? (Oh my god, nether pearl, no.) Contains a lot of good conversation, including “is femslash really that much more personal to y’all than dudeslash?” Spawned the discussions above.
 
Otherwise interesting:
 
How do/should het writers (especially woman-centric het, for lack of a better term) interact with femslash writers? Interesting discussion, if edging into a bit wanky at times. Contains contemplation about whether het shippers and other fans interested in proactively enjoying and celebrating female characters should be paying more attention to femslash. Tends to lump het and gen together, which mildly aggravates me, but eh.
 
What should I do when I notice heteronormative stuff bleeding into my f/f? I want to be a good queer feminist! Personally, my answer is “breathe, don’t worry about being perfect, because no one is perfect and expecting that out of yourself is mostly just a way to silence yourself. Create what you create, and if you notice themes in your own work that make you uncomfortable, play with what makes you uncomfortable and turn that into art, too.
 
Because it blew my mind a bit, a perfect description of the stylistic shit that turns me the fuck off so much femslash, which is then attributed to what is apparently a very popular/cliquish femslash archive/LJ comm back in the day. Huh. There is a lot of complaining about this archive in the anon threads I have been browsing through, and frankly, if it’s the reason that the style described here is so fucking omnipresent in the fic I’ve been hunting for I can see why. Grump.
 
Potential prompt mining: favorite tropes as applied to femslash. This pleases me. I love tropey shit.
 
sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
2017-12-23 07:12 pm
Entry tags:

f/f writing gripe of the night

f/f writing gripe of the night:
 
the problem with having been wistfully deterred every time I tried aggressively to dive into femslash writing the first time is that I just have way less to draw on for scene structure than I apparently can pull from for m/m. Which is ridiculous: I’m not even limiting myself to standard human vulva-inclusive genitals, so why the hell is this hitting me so much harder than sex from a male PoV? 
 
like, why is shit like “I would like clothes off, please remove” and “excuse me, please put your hand on my fucking clit now now now” and “I am nervy but I want to make my body feel good please and thank you” suddenly so much trickier from a female PoV than a male one? It’s not like I don’t have a ton of experience with the latter to draw on here. but okay, it’s intimidating, fine; I’m a baby writer, I am still learning this shit, practicing is okay. gotta think on it and chew a bit. 
 
so I go looking for resources and advice. and…. there are none. fuck. 
 
well, okay. that’s not entirely true. but what there is seems to be very focused on either anatomy, mechanics and safe sex (”how do lesbians do it, anyway?”) or on coming up with good words to use for genitalia in your porn writing. and. neither of those are my bloody problem here.
 
first, I am pretty well acquainted with the theoretical ways that you can get up close and personal with a cunt. tribadism and cunnilingus and fingering and fisting are not foreign concepts to me. I am aware of the difficulties with actually pulling off scissoring and frankly tits present all manner of possibilities, and all that assumes your characters have never heard of toys. I don’t need another list of dry descriptions of Possible Activities to do if you have two editions of Slot B. 
 
hisses Scarleteen is a lovely resource but it is not particularly helpful as a guide to writing porn, thank you. 
 
second, the wording thing people complain about is not usually what I’m bothered with. which: c’mon, folds? lips are right there, or rely on texture and sensation to describe things. obviously euphemisms like ‘love tunnel’ are Right Out, but I wouldn’t have been using those anyway. (also I’m gonna be honest: vulva is an appealing, velvety word. fight me. and cunt: also lovely. I can take or leave pussy, but cunt and vulva are buddies to me.) 
 
besides, word choice normally wouldn’t bug me much–after all, I tend to not be someone who writes heavily on the anatomy references anyway, so 
 
that’s stalling me just a bit, but it’s not actually the thing that keeps smacking me in the head as I try to write this scene and derail.
 
no, what I’m scrambling for is descriptions of sensation, of experience, of feeling… from the perspectives of actual people. And scenes with women fucking each other described in an interesting way that illustrates the vulnerability of the characters 
 
and it’s not just me: cursory searches from my trawling through DW comms yields an anon femslash thread wherein the first comment when asked what people would not want to confess to off anon was people complaining about the paucity of anything but fade-to-black. 
 
so is it something about the headspace? my internalized weirdness? what is going on with my head?
 
and gah, is there like a treasure trove of How To Write Good F/F Explicit Sex I’m missing somewhere? I’ll work up a bunch of links to all the best stuff I find in the morning as I trawl Dreamwidth and LJ comms, but I’m regretfully afraid of the possibility that there’s just nothing for it but to go hunting for the best f/f in my favorites lists, reread them, and brood.
 
oh, oh, the horror
sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
2017-10-12 07:48 pm

(no subject)

You know, it bothers me how almost all the female monsters are either ~*~sexy~*~ or mothers sometimes. At least, almost all the ones we see in fiction, especially media that are in any way visual. Female monsters are so often vampires or succubi or sirens, luring men in with their temptations and their beauty and, well, their consumability.
 
And if you don’t get that in your female monsters, you get female monsters who are all caught up in the monstrous mother archetypes: Echidna birthing all the familiar Greek monsters from her mating with Typhon, or Tiamat and her own chaotic brood, or Gaea making the Hekatonchires walk, or Grendel’s mother. Mothers of demons and mothers of hives and mothers of, you know, the real threat: dangerous not because of who and what they are, but what they can create.

No.

Make me a Gorgon, who lives alone with my immortal sisters and turns any man who sees me to stone with a glance; make me a Diana of the hunt, who tears anyone who sexualizes me to death by the hands of their own hounds with a thought; make me a Sekhmet, my leonine face spattered in blood as I rule over the wars of my river people. Make me scary in my aspects of being inhuman and untouchable.

Let me be the Fates or the Norns or the wise women who carelessly card the wool of your fate between my clever fingers. Let me be Baba Yaga, riding her chicken-footed house through the forests, who knows mysteries and visits places no other person might find; or a Sphinx, sitting in judgement and waiting to devour the foolish or the glib of tongue and slow of wit. Let me be Eris who sows chaos and fear as casually as a twisted, lovely smile, my face unremarkable as my flattering and barbed words drop from between my plain lips. Let me be a banshee, whose face is all but forgotten in the horrified attention that mortals pay to the sounds of my mouth. Let me be feared for my knowledge and my words.

Make of me a Medea, so terrible in my insulted fury that I will destroy everything you might have loved, if you are foolish enough to cross me. Make of me a Demeter, stalking the world in grief and rage, ripping the life and fertility from the world in my rage over my stolen daughter. Make of me a Maenad, blood dripping from my slack-wide jaws as I race with my sisters in ecstatic, terrible joy to hunt and rend and tear everything before me. Make me terrifying in my anger and my destruction.

Let me be a She-Hulk who is not beautiful, who does not stand in a leotard, whose breasts quake under the rippling power of my broad shoulders and deep muscle and widened, bonified face. Let me be Ammit, my crocodile jaws gaping over my crouched haunches as I judge the living and the dead and delight in swallowing the souls of the unworthy. Let me be the Crommyonian Sow, roaming the countryside and consuming anything I find in my path. Let me be a mermaid, sinuous spine slipping through the waters as I bare my needle-like teeth and devour the unwary. Let me be a fire-breathing chimera, an ungainly assortment of bodies and patchwork creatures, who should not move, let alone terrorize cities. Let me be ugly, a creature defined by the predatory power coiled within my body, and not by the daintiness and desires of men.

Let me be monstrous.
sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
2017-07-18 09:55 am
Entry tags:

god help me, I think I'm writing fic after more than ten years lurking in fandom

...this is a weird, weird thought for me.

I blame the Guardians of the Galaxy sequel--found family and xenobiology are already sources of great temptation for me, and then they added abusive family dynamics that sounded just about right and sisters who are trying to cope with a legacy of a shitty, shitty parenting and bad communication caused in part by trying to deal with that, and they gave me Nebula to play with, and I just want to read all of the fic with those sisters dealing with each other.

It doesn't exist, so I guess I might have to write it. And, well, there's a Kragdu discord going that's supportive enough, I guess, and my partner is egging me on the whole time, so maybe I can do that thing. I have not yet found what I really want, which is a Guardians of the Galaxy comm modeled after Star Trek's excellent [community profile] where_no_woman. Curses.

That being said, I Don't Write Fiction. I can write, sure, but I've never written fiction seriously--it's scary, and I get intimidated, and I feel like Not A Real Fan, and mostly I just want to bury my head in the sand and hide until all the fiction goes away. Bleh.

And I'm really tired because I'm trying to do all the things at once, which is about usual for me. But. Practice makes perfect, I guess?
sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
2017-06-17 10:51 pm

how much of a marginalized experience is enough to qualify a character as representation?

"Dumbledore is ace/aro. Discuss."

Yeah, this is all Jessee's fault. The conversation turned to Dumbledore as a source of gay/queer representation on Crone Island last week, and they pinged me when they moved the conversation to a new channel with that particular summary. They were pretty accurate when they said I would have some thoughts on the topic.

Here's most of what I had to say. I started with discussing Dumbledore as gay representation, transitioned into discussing representation of marginalized groups in fiction more generally, and wound up talking generally about ace character portrayal in mainstream fiction. )
sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
2010-11-19 11:25 pm

(no subject)

Writing actual blog posts tends to come down to a mixture of ranting, panic, laziness, and a touch of frantic editing at the end to make sure I haven't forgotten and left paragraphs wanting actual finished sentences at the end. And then angsting about particular paragraphs to make sure they aren't either exposing my soft vulnerable underbelly or too anxiety-inducing to publish. And angsting for most of the week, and then finally actually posting in a fit of irritated crankiness at some point late in the night, where sleepiness overrides my essential waffling tendencies.

I don't mean writing here; writing here is basically babbling about what went on during the day and maybe whining just a little bit about the more obnoxious aspects thereof. More about writing over at WFX. (It's not so much my writing process on forums, either, even when I'm writing enormous 1000-word posts of the same general length as a blog post. I think it's mostly that writing on forums is basically a response for me to someone else, not a self-contained piece on its own.)

It's rather like my process for writing class essays, in fact, except that I'm usually considerably more interested in what I'm talking about when I'm blogging. Huh.