sciatrix: A thumbnail from an Escher print, black and white, of a dragon with its tail in its mouth, wing outstretched behind. (Default)
sciatrix ([personal profile] sciatrix) wrote2010-03-27 12:06 am

(no subject)

It would be really, really nice if for once I could log onto AVEN, scroll through the posts, and not see some new and exciting post implying that my sexual orientation is a form of/is caused by/is linked to some sort of mental illness. It's depressing and rage-inducing and upsetting all at once, and I can never figure out how to deal with it without exploding. (Seriously, schizophrenia?)

Going to AVEN is supposed to remind me I'm not the only one. It's supposed to remind me that I'm fine the way I am, that there's nothing wrong with me, that it's okay for me to be asexual. That's why I come here. I don't come here to scroll through endless questions about whether my sexuality is caused by a mental illness on the same fucking board which is supposed to be for promoting asexuality as a sexual orientation. I'm tired of it.

And hell, I am an asexual with a less-than-typical brain. I am an asexual with touch issues, with people issues. But does that make my sexuality any less real? I mean, hating neck touches and not being able to tolerate ball games don't really mask the fact that I don't get tingly in my vulva for anyone. When you get down to it, are the non-neurotypical (in the broadest sense of the word) not allowed to have a sexuality? Because let me tell you, most of 'em aren't asexual. They might get treated as if they were, but that's another issue. If I wanted to fuck someone, I think I would notice, autism or no, touch issues or no.

It's almost making me want to leave, and that would be a shame, because I am fond of the community. But I think I need to evaluate whether or not staying is especially healthy for me.