So yesterday I signed up to do a weekly vlog for the new Pieces of Ace youtube channel, and really I'm kind of terrified about that. It's not so much that I don't think I'll be able to motivate myself to get it done every week--that bit's easy, at least for me; just incorporate it as Weekly Routine and I can reinforce it with my need for sameness, and then I suspect I'll have a hard time adjusting to not getting it done should I need to take a break. (See also the SEA tracking I've been doing through the Association of Women in Sciences chapter at my university, which is getting sent in every week largely because I personally have mad cat-herding skills and the interest in seeing it gets done right this moment, no exceptions, even if no one bothers but me. Which is usually the case, unless I bug C to come help me.)
No, it's that I signed up to vlog. I've never done that before. I hate the way my face looks if it's not at the right angle, and I have no idea how to get it to the right angle. And vlogging is necessarily spoken, and I have to focus my eyes on my tiny crappy webcam without doing nearly as much of the stopping and thinking that I usually do. Also, speaking to the camera is awkward and I need to make it sound good, which means pretending it's not awkward at all. Huh. I think it will get easier with practice, but I suspect I'm not going to be thrilled with the first few weeks' results.
Also, it is difficult to vlog quietly in the corner when you have a roommate you haven't formally come out to yet right there. That'd be difficult even if it was A I was living with over the summer, but I'll probably be put in with someone random over summer, and I don't want to come out to someone I'll most likely only be interacting with for two and a half months, especially since I'll be living with them and won't have the option of withdrawing if I have to. Eurgh. Maybe I'll end up just taking this to the Student Center and using the study rooms to do my recordings once I have an idea of what I want to say. It's only the summer when I don't have a room of my own now, anyway.
I'm confident that I can do this and that I can do it well, or I wouldn't have auditioned. And I have ideas on how to work around the issues with it that are currently occurring to me, and if nothing else it will keep me busy during the Summer of Class. But right now there's nothing to do but wait, and I don't handle waiting well...